"Back in the Emirates and Pakistan, there is a disparity between how men and women are treated, but my mum is one of the most powerful and inspiring women I know."
Fatima Elzahra Khan
Undergraduate, Department of Chemical Engineering
Coming to terms with my identity
I joined Imperial in 2017 and I'm now in my fourth year. Initially, I was going to study medicine at university because that’s what my parents wanted me to do. I realised that it wasn’t what I wanted, so I ended up applying for Chemical Engineering partly because the A-levels I was already doing lent themselves to it, and during my medical work experience, I found myself more interested in processes such as dialysis and how pharmaceuticals are produced.
My mum is Emirati and my dad is Pakistani. It's a mix you don’t often see – Emiratis tend to only marry people from the same culture. From a young age, I realised I was different to all my cousins.
I went to primary school in Coventry – at the time the area was predominantly white, and I was one of a handful of students at school from a different background.
Coming to Imperial made it harder to come to terms with my identity – partially because it felt like everyone seemed very secure in their own cultural identity. In my first year, I had a bit of an identity crisis. I was joining the different cultural societies, but I didn’t feel like I was enough – like I didn’t feel I was Pakistani enough for the Pakistani society. The cultural societies are great and they can help people come together, but it just wasn’t quite what I needed. I concluded that I’m not just a sum of the cultures I was brought up in, but rather a product of the traditions and values that my parents raised me with .
That's what drove me to get involved in departmental activities, and then the City & Guilds College Union (CGCU) – I was trying to find groups where I had things in common with people. At the most basic level, the thing I had in common was studying engineering at Imperial! I was President of the CGCU last year, which has been a real highlight of my time; I met a lot of fantastic people and learned a lot.
Fatima was photographed in Green Valley Deli on Edgware Road - a place she fondly remembers her mum buying food from when she was younger.
Fatima was photographed in Green Valley Deli on Edgware Road - a place she fondly remembers her mum buying food from when she was younger.
Meeting people like me
Back in the Emirates and Pakistan, there is a disparity between how men and women are treated, but my mum is one of the most powerful and inspiring women I know. She left home to pursue her education and get a PhD. Marrying my dad was not the done thing – she was probably expected to marry a local, which a lot of my aunts did do.
I was born in the US but I grew up in the UK. I went to primary school in Coventry – at the time the area was predominantly white, and I was one of a handful of students at school from a different background. Then we moved to Birmingham where I went to secondary school. That was a refreshing change – I met people like me, people I could relate to. On my interview day at Imperial, I remember walking around and seeing loads of people from loads of different backgrounds.
At Imperial, I’ve been exposed to a lot of different cultures and was invited to celebrate Lunar New Year with my friends during my first year, something I’d never experienced before.
Finding my confidence
Ramadan and Eid have always been a big celebration in my family. Last year for Eid I was at home, and we just celebrated with my immediate family because of the pandemic. One of my sisters and I dressed up and took pictures – my other sister thought we were being weird, but it was nice to have something to do! Normally we have lots of family over and my entire extended family loves my mum’s cooking since it’s unique; she uses a combination of flavours and spices from both the Emirates and Pakistan. The smaller celebration probably took a lot of stress off my mum.
I have some friends who understand the struggle of having Asian parents, who can be emotionally unavailable or quite detached. There were times in my first year when my parents would call every night when it got dark and ask where I was. If I was at the union or somewhere else I thought they didn't approve of, I used to get quite panicked. They have stopped calling me like that now, and we have a much better relationship!
Some parents don’t let their daughters move away to study – I was fortunate mine did. They wanted me to go to Birmingham originally, as that’s where the family home is, but because Imperial is a top university, I was able to persuade them.
Living with Crohn's disease
Before the pandemic, I used to really enjoy weightlifting. My parents used to tell me don’t get too muscly, too big. Being petite is what’s desirable, I guess. But going to the gym was always the thing I'd make time for, alongside studying. During the first lockdown I got into running, but I was quite ill in November, and I haven’t had a chance to get back into it.
After I got sick, I was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease. I ended up needing emergency surgery as my body reacted badly to the medication I'd been put on. I was given a blood transfusion during my stay in hospital – and it reminded me of the importance of donating blood, and the fact that fewer people from ethnic backgrounds do it or are on other donor lists.
I was in hospital for three weeks including over Christmas – even though Christmas isn’t a big thing in my family, it was hard knowing everyone else was with their families, and I was stuck in hospital by myself with no visitors allowed.
Remote teaching and having everything online has helped me to catch up at my own pace after recovering from my surgery. But I do really miss the spontaneous interactions I'd have with people on campus – sitting in a study room or in the library, you’d spot someone you know and you’d have a nice chat.
Imperial's efforts to change
I think the College is doing a lot already on diversity and inclusion, more than most. I remember last summer when the Black Lives Matter protests took place, Imperial was one of the first universities to make a statement. I remember showing my friends and saying: “this is what my uni is doing, what’s yours doing?"
Furthermore, the Head of the Department of Chemical Engineering, Professor Nilay Shah, has been leading the College’s History Group to review Imperial’s colonial history and its impact.
And then with removing the motto from the College's crest as well – some people may say it’s just virtue signalling, but I do think it means a lot to those who come from countries with a colonial past.
Fatima shares her story as part of Shifting the Lens: a celebration of cultural diversity at Imperial.
This interview was edited by Elizabeth Nixon and photographed by Jason Alden.
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